“These are the best years of your life.” and “Everything changes for the better once you graduate from high school and get into the real world.” Two common phrases that I heard from the adults at my summer jobs all through grade school. If they were already the best years of my life, what makes the real world better once I graduate from high school?
But going through grade school was NOT fun for me at all. Poor grades, bullying, lies behind my back, physical, psychological and verbal abuse were all regular fare and then some in grade school. Yet at my summer workplaces the adults there kept reminding me that, “These are the best years of your life.” and “Everything changes for the better once you graduate from high school and get into the real world.” And now that I am an adult, and I supposedly have been for many years, I would like to dispute both of those adult statements.
Among many concerns in grade school, one’s reputation. I, like most students, was concerned about my reputation…a lot. One’s reputation in grade school could be hampered by many things but with mine I found that the bullies did the most damage to my reputation with verbal, physical and psychological abuse and so it goes.
“These are the best years of your life.” and “Everything changes for the better once you graduate from high school and get into the real world.”
I graduated from high school in 1989 and moved into Edmonton the following summer of 1990. I was always into music so going to shows (sometimes up to 4 shows a week) and putting on shows (the latter until 1994 the former I haven’t stopped) were where I put my money and free time into. Until about 2000 where the free time and finances became limited and my age started to catch up to me.
Back in 1986 or 87 at the first show that I attended I felt extremely uncomfortable about my hair, my glasses, my clothes, my age and the list goes on. Let me be clear, this is all on me but the bullying for my mullet and thick “Preppy Specs” was on random people harassing me who I had never met before in my entire life. I didn’t go to another show in Edmonton for almost 2 years, choosing to go to shows in Calgary instead. If back in Edmonton I had a reputation (highly unlikely) it was tarnished by my haircut and glasses. I was only 15 or 16 and the crap at that first Edmonton show still lingers with me to this day. It appeared that I needed to grow up just as much as the bullies did.
“These are the best years of your life.” and “Everything changes for the better once you graduate from high school and get into the real world.”
After 2000 I still went to shows and socialized with the bands and other “music scenesters” but all in all I started growing inward especially around 2010. I can’t pinpoint a particular event that instigated my drawing inward but one instance in 2017 made me wonder about my reputation and if I had made enemies who talked and mocked me behind my back. A friend and I were sitting in a local establishment in the spring of 2017 waiting for a band to start when my friend saw someone they knew and approached them to sit with us. The stranger’s response was in a loud and clear voice, “I’m not sitting next to that asshole.” My friend spoke to me a bit and then picked up shop and moved to the person’s table who said I was an asshole. I had no idea who they were and in fact I still don’t know them or why I’m the asshole. Maybe my reputation had been tarnished for some unknown reason to me. Not that I am a king but it definitely reminds me of the emperor’s new clothes. Perhaps. Will I even find out what people are saying behind my back? Maybe, maybe not.
“These are the best years of your life.” and “Everything changes for the better once you graduate from high school and get into the real world.”
Spring 2021 hit me like a ton of bricks with disagreements about the use of my art, scenesters throwing me under the bus and an acquaintance passing who I knew from work all got me into a lot of “social media” heat. Most of this heat was brought on by others (I’m sure that some of it was caused by myself) and to this day I deeply resent it and subsequently do not go out nearly as much and have cut off literally hundreds of “social media” friends. At present my friend list is at 66 and I fully expect it to go lower in the coming months. Drawing inward yet again and wondering again if I have a questionable reputation in this city and its music scene. Growing inward seems to be the better option at present.
“These are the best years of your life.” and “Everything changes for the better once you graduate from high school and get into the real world.”
More drama ensued in June of 2025 when soon after a cryptic message by a longtime friend that seemed suicidal I looked into a welfare check on them. They messaged me later to say that they were fine and appreciated my friendship. Almost a week later this same person messaged me saying that I was, in their words a, “parasitic c**t” with a terrible reputation in the local music scene which took me off guard. So much so I diplomatically told them to not reach out to me again because of past messages sent to me in their drunk/alcoholic state as well as 2 death threat phone voicemails. I should have asked them why the change of heart but what’s done is done and I posted on facebook about the whole incident. I might point out that this would not be the first time my mouth has got me into trouble (see my essay on NSBM is one example) and it probably won’t be the last.
Contrary to what is being spread around, I did NOT name them and have the unedited screenshots of my post with who reacted to it. Like anyone besides my wife and true friends care. The main person who started the spreading of this misinformation and a few other people all bailed on me when I called the police. I would not have called the police if me and my wife still felt safe. I totally regret involving anyone else even if I needed advice on how to deal with this whole mess I partially created. Anyhow, what’s done is done. And I could have handled it better but the few people that I reached out to for advice could have equally handled it better too. This all reminded me of grade school antics, by all of the parties involved and myself too. Making me wonder 1: if we all need to grow up as well as the others 2: is my reputation in the Edmonton music scene really terrible or is it (as some put it) stellar? and 3: if my reputation is much less than stellar then can I redeem myself in other’s eyes? From what I learned in grade school then the answer is most likely a resounding, NO.
“These are the best years of your life.” and “Everything changes for the better once you graduate from high school and get into the real world.”
I am well aware that there could be repercussions with my essay here but I feel that it is totally unfair that some people are allowed to disparage me, to my face and behind my back, with impunity yet I am expected to be quiet. Whether it’s the incidents in 2017, 2021 or 2025 I have never named anyone and like in grade school would appreciate the opportunity to apologize if I have wronged anyone in the past or refute any allegations made against myself.
“These are the best years of your life.” and “Everything changes for the better once you graduate from high school and get into the real world.”
So these two statements are at best inaccurate and at worst outright lies adults use on kids. In my eyes that is the actual crime, not the bullying (of an adult or a child) or disparaging of one’s reputation (as an adult or a child), but the so-called adults making children believe that being out of grade school automatically ends growth into adulthood or growth in general. When that is the furthest from the truth.