Juvenile Response To A Juvenile Rant

This is my response to two Americans who criticized me several times and threatened me once on the Internet. To protect the ignorant, the female shall be called “Hosehead” & the male shall be called “Hoser”.

I just thought that I would take time between my two jobs to send Hoser and Hosehead a response, even though one of you implies my mouth is open too much and the other complains about my silence. Oh well, you can’t please everybody.

1 – Hosehead not wanting to “re-hash old entries” is sheer laziness because I see nothing wrong with sending me the links to appropriate pages with information that could possibly change my mind. I do it all the time.

2 – As for me mocking Hosehead, yes I did, only after she called me a pet name MOCKINGLY. The only people who can call me pet names are my parents, my grand parents and my current girlfriend. Hosehead is (thankfully) none of the above.

3 – Hoser had you read the rest of my “silly hat rant” (see poem #1596 at the bottom of this diatribe) you would have read that I do NOT believe in any prophets, messiahs, Gods, devils, Heavens or Hells. To quote Hosehead, “you should have done your homework.”

4 – I deleted Hosehead’s response to my critique of her because it did not offer any insight to my brilliant writing skills. By the way, I delete far more comments than I let be posted and most of the time the people who I graciously let their comments grace my blog with their comments are ones I know personally. As for you two, well, need I say more?

5 – Hoser called me a coward yet he is the one who hides behind a N.R.A. card and a gun. Anybody who hides behind a gun is a coward, I have been teaching Judo for 10 years and I still don’t feel the need for a gun. Oh Hoser, what’s this fascination with guns? I think you must be over-compensating for a small penis or something of that nature.

6 – I respect myself first and foremost and I believe that no self respecting human being should want and/or need pity, in other words if you pity anyone it should be your sorry excuse for an insult. I started off by saying that I took this time between my two jobs to respond, my first job being practicing and the teaching of neurosurgery at one of the hospitals in this city and my second job at night is an air traffic controller at the international airport. So a few days ago three col- leagues and I were discussing your sorry ass attempt at a blog and I said that Hoser called my tattoos “derivative”, my three colleagues asked in unison (the same thing I asked myself), “derivative of what?” I see that you are a graphic designer for television so I understand it might be hard to grasp the English language when you are drawing and looking at pictures all day. I will help you out, there is a book called a dictionary. In this book it has definitions of all words in the English language, for your ease I will now place the definition of “derivative” (like the poem #1596) at the bottom of this diatribe. I would suggest that before you use big words you try a dictionary first. Once you have mastered that book you may want to graduate to something called a “thesaurus”, and no it is not a large, extinct reptile. It is another book, feel free to look up “thesaurus” in a dictionary if you would like. If you were trying to insult me and my lifestyle choice for body art I would suggest a smaller word, like “dumb” (the “b” on the end is silent) I think it is safe to say you know what “dumb” means because when referring to people like you “dumb” is usually followed by “ass”, which is what my American brother calls Americans (the likes of which he is embarrassed by) who fall into several stereotypes. 1: Americans who can’t read 2: Right wing Americans who can’t read 3: Religious right wing gun-toting wing nut Americans who can’t read. So to keep a level playing field I will stereotype myself as well.

So up here in Canada in our mukluks and snowshoes all we do is hunt moose, watch hockey and drink beer, eh. We don’t know anything about you savages…er…Americans and your guns and we are all far too busy building igloos and breeding dogs to run our sleds. So if you don’t like some or all of this rant, what are you going to do, declare war on Canada, invade us and shoot us all? My final parting words…

Take off, eh!

#1596 – Silly Hat

A few years ago
One of my Aunts
Gave me a toque
For Christmas
It is black
With red devil horns
The responses have been mixed
Once when I was wearing it
One woman called me
“Satan’s helper” and an “infidel”
I have to say that
If your faith is that put off
By a silly hat
Then obviously your faith
Is not very strong
By the way,
Just for your information I do NOT believe in any
Prophets, messiahs, gods, devils, Heavens or hells
And I am quite comfortable
With my life
So, to quote Hank Williams Sr.
“Mind your own business”
Because it is just a silly hat.

Full Definition of “DERIVATIVE” From The Merriam-Webster Dictionary

1: a word formed by derivation
2: something derived
3: the limit of the ratio of the change in a function to the corresponding change in its independent variable as the latter change approaches zero
4: a : a chemical substance related structurally to another substance and theoretically derivable from it
b : a substance that can be made from another substance
5: a contract or security that derives its value from that of an underlying asset (as another security) or from the value of a rate (as of interest or currency exchange) or index of asset value (as a stock index)

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